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RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/11/2014 12:46:36 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline 		Great post, kdsub.

Someone can think they have a shitty life, but what's needed is perspective.

I used to be upset if I didn't have a hot date every weekend.

Or someone annoyed me at work or I didn't win something on eBay.

Now that I have a chronic disease that I will always have to manage, and I could die from.....well there's that perspective I mentioned.

I am like, what was I thinking being upset at such trivial bullshit?

So, yeah, you start going over your life with a fine toothed comb and you wonder why things turned out this way.

I know if I was not here or never existed, my family would be devastated, and I was always loved by them.

I have no choice now but to be strong, fight and be a Redheaded warrior princess.

(in reply to kdsub)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/11/2014 12:59:37 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		We are all guilty of thinking the challenges of our lives are bigger than the trials of others... I sure am guilty of that at times. But i understand that way of thinking because when all is said and done we are alone and the universe ends with us.

I envy people that can think of others when they have mortal fear... they are the real heros of life.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/11/2014 1:30:22 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		I have never, ever thought that. I am on the whole, very lucky. I know that things are far worse for some others, than it's ever been for me. Even in the thickest parts of the fucked up I had to wade through.

But, as I said a few pages back, I don't compare, or try not to. Yes I do sometimes wonder if peoplecan go through shit tons of worse, and can still function, or have the strength to haul their own asses up by their perverbial boot straps, then why can't I? But I realize that's moot and pointless, sobi don't dwell in it very often. Because they're them, and I am me, and we didn't travel the same roads the same way. Some had great help and great coping skills, great support, or maybe they didnt. But it's different for everyone, how they get to their personal successes in over coming the fucked up shit.
quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

We are all guilty of thinking the challenges of our lives are bigger than the trials of others... I sure am guilty of that at times. But i understand that way of thinking because when all is said and done we are alone and the universe ends with us.

I envy people that can think of others when they have mortal fear... they are the real heros of life.

Butch



_____________________________


We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to kdsub)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/11/2014 1:33:52 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		I am adopted, so I know on some major level we were very wanted
However I am often left wondering, why go through so much to get these two kids, then severely abuse them, resulting in cps taking one for the rest of her child hood. I guess I will never know.


quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1



I know if I was not here or never existed, my family would be devastated, and I was always loved by them.

I have no choice now but to be strong, fight and be a Redheaded warrior princess.



_____________________________


We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/11/2014 2:16:16 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub
<snip>
dc...You have given inspiration to me and I'm sure many with your public battle with your illness. You have shown the courage, grace, strength and hope that has truly made an impression in my mind. I don't know if that justifies all the pain and fear you have had to face but I thank you for that gift.

Let me also address dc here. I don't know how long you have had your afflictions, but what you've shared in your postings has been inspirational to me as well. One doesn't have to be Episcopal or a person of faith to be impressed by the strength of your faith and how it's upheld your spirits. Don't lose heart and let those of us who do pray uphold you with our prayers. I'm sure sexyred is struggling with her own battle against cancer, and when you (plural) have life-or-death issues staring you straight in the face, you do learn not to sweat the small stuff. And most of what happens to us, IS small stuff in comparison.

kd, pardon the snip. Both you and Zonie shared your touching stories, and I thank you. I'm sorry for your loss(es). Zonie, I thought how awful it must be to not feel wanted by your family, and how this might relate to my own deep-seated need to be needed. I mean an almost pathological need to be needed. At first, I didn't make the connection because my parents had wanted a daughter (my mom had suffered 2 miscarriages after having my brother), but upon further reflection I see that I was exposed to this not-wanted, not-valued syndrome. It didn't affect me directly, but twice as a youngster when I lived overseas surrounded by an Asian culture, the prevalent mindset there is that girls are not valued. Boys (firstborn most of all) are so highly prized that if a young mother doesn't have a male child, she is scorned. Mothers don't get called by their personal surname, or as Mrs. So-and-So; they are referred to as [child's name]'s mom. Their very identity is tied to which gendered-child they have given birth to. Greta, you have a brother, but if you were born first before him, then this is why your mother cursed you--not you as an individual, but your femaleness. Plus it sounds as though you had a selfish, vain mother. Had you been a male child, she would have rejoiced. Not much of a consolation, I know. I think, though, that if I had had a daughter, I would have wanted her to have an indomitable spirit like you do, and sharp as a tack.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to kdsub)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/11/2014 9:37:50 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline 		This is kind of a fast reply... sort of.

OK LittleGirlHeart, sit back, relax and get ready to read.

Your question is irrelevant because you are here, and you had no choice. So, what you do from there on out is up to you.

I have had a better life than some and a more difficult one than some others. I've been through so much in my life and I survived, you can too.

I can offer platitudes and comforting words, but I know that they never helped me much mainly because I could counter most everything and explain them away. I was a lot smarter than the people trying to help me. So, my style is a bit on the harsher side of things, but it is not intended to hurt, it is intended to get you to think.

I have said this more than once on these boards and I will say it again, our problems do not define who we are, how we handle our problems does. It is too easy to sit there and point to this or that in our lives and blame it for why we are miserable. It takes a great deal of courage to learn to cope with the bad things, and a lot of strength to learn to overcome them. My point is that we have a choice. I could trot out a laundry list of bad shit that happened to me, people who hurt me, people who used me, my own self-destructive behavior, my failures, my shattered dreams, and all the negative things in my life that have happened up to now, but how is that going to help you? It won't. What will help you is that I got through it all, felt what you have felt more than I ever care to, and I am here to talk about it. Pure, raw determination got me here, alive, a little worse for wear, and much wiser for the experience.

You have no goals because you set your goals to an unreachable height and have failed along the way, and so you have given up. Make your goals reasonable, attainable, and realistic, and you can get there. When my life crashed and burned after my divorce, my alcoholism, and my depression, I was defeated and so discouraged that I didn't want to get up out of bed. I would lay there and cry for hours repeating over and over how life sucked and wishing for death. I didn't know what to do, but I knew something had to give, and it was either going to result in me taking my own life, or me talking control of my own life. I chose to live and to take control of my life, and so I set goals for myself. The first goal I set for myself was to get out of bed every day no matter how I felt, and then I promised myself that I would do it. The first day I did it, I reached my goal. I got out of bed. So the next day, I set the same goal, and I did that... and so on. The point is that I didn't start out with my goal being complete recovery and a good life, I started out believing I could get out of bed and once I proved to myself that I could do that, I set myself another goal... like staying sober, eating regularly, showering daily, and so on. I learned that it wasn't difficult to achieve my goals if I just was reasonable with them.

I learned that all the bad things that happened to me in my life did not have to destroy me, but could be used as a tool to make me stronger. One of the greatest lessons I learned was that I could take the hurt that was done to me and turn it around in order to help someone else who was going through something similar. Every day you sit there and wallow in all the bad shit that happened to you, those who hurt you win. That should piss you off, because those fuckers do not deserve to win, nor do they deserve any more power over your life. If your remain focused on the hurt, you will never learn how to heal.

Let me ask you a question... are you worthwhile? Do you feel like you are worth fighting for? Do you believe in yourself? Answer "No" to any or all of these and you now have something to work for. The reason that you get nowhere is that you don't believe that you are worth fighting for. Why did you post what you posted? Did you want answers or did you just want the attention? Either way, you got both, the attention and the answers, but it will end up doing fuckall for you if you don't have an ounce of self-worth. I could hand you the key to the universe and if you don't feel worthwhile to use it, having the key doesn't mean shit. So, you need to start there and find some self-worth somewhere. In the depth of my alcoholism I was a unstoppable tornado of destruction that didn't care who I was hurting as long as I was drunk and happy. When I got sober, I had to deal with the wreckage, and there was a lot of wreckage. Not only did I not have a shred of self-worth left, but I didn't believe in myself either, so I had to begin to believe in my decision to get sober. I used that to begin to believe that I could stay sober, and that turned into the confidence that I was going to stay sober, and that turned into 14 years of continuous sobriety. I also had to believe that I was worth fighting for, and that all the challenges of sobriety were worth the struggle. I didn't think I was worthwhile, but I did believe that I could be if I tried, and so I built my self-worth from that. You can sit there and know ever single thing that is holding you back, but if you don't believe that you can do something about it, you cannot, nor will you.

You have identified the problems as you see them. Believe this or not, you are more than half way to solving them because you can see the problems, so many people cannot see the problems even if they are looking right at them. You are way ahead of the game in that regard. You are asking the right questions but you lack the answers, or the belief in yourself to do what has to be done. Since you know the problems, then what is left is to find the solutions, and for that, you may need professional help. Go get it. Find a good psychologist that you connect with and dive feet first into the deep end and never look back. If you look back, it is for reference only, and not for an example of what to do. Part of your problem is that you lack direction... you are scattered all over the place, so my advice is to pick a direction and go that way, and make adjustments to your course along the way. If you stay in the same spot, you will never get anywhere, so move from where you are even if you don't know where you want to be right now. All you really need to know is that where you are now is not where you want to be and that will motivate you to move.

Life is painful and the reality is that life can be difficult. What are you going to do about it? Cave in and throw your hands up in the air and give up? Or are you going to dig deep inside of yourself and realize that you are not the person you want to be and do something to become that person? Do you want to sit there and wallow in how pathetic you feel or do you want to stop feeling pathetic? You have choices, real, serious, life changing choices to make. Realize that the type of changes you need to make require work, and you are going to stub your toe along the way, but if you give up because you stub your toe, then you didn't make the most important change of all: believing that you can change your life. Will you go on to write a symphony that will be remembered for centuries after your death? Maybe, but the more realistic goal might be to just learn to love yourself, love who you are and what you have to offer someone as a partner and as a friend. Be the best you that you can be, and it doesn't matter what others think of you, what matters is that you think enough about yourself to want to make the changes. You will never live up to what everyone expects of you, so stop trying, you only need to live up to your own expectations, so make them reasonable, and realistic. What you will find if you set your goals to be realistic is that with a little effort and a lot of determination, you can get where you want to be.

Finally, no one can do this for you. This is all you. While that might frighten you a little, or a lot, what will never change is the fact that it is the choices that you make now that will ultimately determine your success or failure. Forget your past failures, and stop thinking that you can't change and begin to believe that you can change. Until you breathe your last, change for the better is always within reach. My goal in life is to help other people and along the way I have helped a few, and I have saved a few lives by telling others that I know how they feel because I have been there, and I lived through it. I tell them that they can live through it too, if they want to.

So, you have to answer a question, a simple question. Do you want to stay the same and be miserable, or do you want to find out what it means to live, and really be alive? The answer is up to you.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/11/2014 11:03:43 PM   
Edwynn


Posts: 4105
Joined: 10/26/2008
Status: offline
~FR~

I try to read through all the responses here, but the OP and the responses from LittleGirlHeart herself and from dc novice and Gretta and sexyred1 are the only ones that I've been able to read all the way through.

All this "here's what I did" crap from people who's situation was so far from the OP's is just laughable, especially when someone throws out that loser's mantra "pity party" accusation bosh in the process of trying to give 'advice.'

It's not just what someone's had thrown at them in life beyond birth. The biggest thing thrown at one in life is how they were born, what their congenital psychological constitution is, -including sensitivities and thresholds-, and if you were not born with these same sensibilities then your 'advice' is meaningless and of no consequence, other than to further confirm to the person in question that 'people' are even more stupid and screwed up than previously thought.

There are certainly many examples of people in this thread who came out of the woodwork to point out to LittleGirlHeart that many others went through worse than what she did and yet came out of it as a shining light to all of humanity, which only serves to verify her suspicion that her own life is meaningless. Congratulations, fuckwits.

Most people just cannot accept that some people actually deal with the (sometimes unfortunate) life they were given in less than exemplary psycho-Horatio Alger fashion. It is they who need the therapists, if they are so discomfited by that reality.

LittleGirlHeart's bird(s) and Gretta's cats are the best therapists they will ever see, and this thread is testimony to that.






< Message edited by Edwynn -- 11/11/2014 11:14:34 PM >

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/11/2014 11:30:17 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Damn,...

... sounds like you need a wake-up call, too.

That is, after you knock that chip off your shoulder first.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Edwynn)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 12:37:55 AM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Edwynn

There are certainly many examples of people in this thread who came out of the woodwork to point out to LittleGirlHeart that many others went through worse than what she did and yet came out of it as a shining light to all of humanity, which only serves to verify her suspicion that her own life is meaningless. Congratulations, fuckwits.



The only fuckwit in this picture is the one who just implied that her life was worthless. Had you the decency or the sense to understand what has been said by people in this thread, you might realize that no one that bothered to write words of encouragement here thought she was worthless. Just you. And you dare say that others need a therapist?


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Edwynn)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 4:07:35 AM   
MariaB


Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


But I am just saying, despite my not so shitty life, I would still choose to not exist, because, I think it is ridiculous that I have to be forced into the stomach of a woman who does not want me inside of her. It's unfair to her. That is something I can never change.

I have invaded her body without her permission. And I can never change that. I don't want her as my mom and she don't want me as her daughter. The feelings are mutual. But that can never be changed.




Oh Greta, your post makes me feel so sad.

I was fostered out as a child for similar reasons. My sister was wanted at least on and off but I wasn't. Like you, my younger years were full of self loathing and lack of identity and even now I look on with envy when I chat to well adjusted friends who had fabulous childhoods with fantastic parents. Fortunately, when I was in my early 20s I met an amazing therapist who gave me the gift of dealing with my childhood rejection. I learnt to heal and love myself; I learnt how to stop blaming myself. Unfortunately it never goes away completely. Its so deeply imprinted that it will always rear its ugly head when least expected. There are some great coping mechanisms to help you through your darker days though and I'm more than happy to share them with you if you want.


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RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 12:30:12 PM   
littleladybug


Posts: 1082
Joined: 5/30/2013
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Zonie63

One particularly toxic habit I had to learn to avoid was in comparing my life to others. Just as you say in your signature, "accept no one's definition of your life." I agree with that completely.



For the longest time, I kicked my ass when I would get upset...thinking "oh crap, look at ____, they have it SO much worse...". I see that now as something that would just add to my own depression spiral, and was completely unfair to ME-- because, at the end of the day, it was discounting my own feelings.

Now, in terms of the topic at hand... I personally don't believe that anyone's existence is a "mistake" or "doesn't matter".

Back about 10 years ago, I began speaking to a lovely man online, from Oklahoma. Honestly, the only thing I knew about Oklahoma before chatting with him was that it was someplace I flew over going from NY to California. Over the course of about a year and a half, we spent some time together physically, and spoke just about every day. Without getting too much into it...he was, quite possibly, the most damaged person that I've ever met in my life. I never knew what Ativan was...let alone its effect mixed with alcohol...before I met him. I only mention that because *that's* where his headspace was. One morning, about a year into our relationship, we had a conversation where he was clearly trying to drive me away. I saw it for what it was and called him on it. He was going to kill himself, and knew it would be a heck of a lot easier if I was out of his life. I didn't budge. I told him that he could do what he wanted to do, but I would not make it easier. About 5 months later, I got the phone call...

My point in bringing this up is that this man changed my life. His existence, especially in the time I knew him, was hell. I don't discount that at all. But, he made a difference in my life...a POSITIVE one. Though he may have disagreed at the time...I will say that his existence was no mistake. I'm not a "religious" person, but I believe, with all of my heart, that I have a guardian angel with me. Even in his darkest times...he influenced me. And damn if I haven't taken that lesson to heart. And, in turn, when I am feeling like shit, I turn back to this experience. I force myself to acknowledge that there *are* people in this world whose lives are affected positively by my existence.

Without trying to discount people's struggles at all, I wanted to put this story out there, because we don't know who we are going to affect positively. And, him affecting me will hopefully make me a better person, thereby affecting someone else.

(in reply to Zonie63)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 2:50:12 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I learned that all the bad things that happened to me in my life did not have to destroy me, but could be used as a tool to make me stronger. One of the greatest lessons I learned was that I could take the hurt that was done to me and turn it around in order to help someone else who was going through something similar. Every day you sit there and wallow in all the bad shit that happened to you, those who hurt you win. That should piss you off, because those fuckers do not deserve to win, nor do they deserve any more power over your life. If your remain focused on the hurt, you will never learn how to heal.

littleladybug, it was a toss up between quoting you or Gauge. There isn't a person alive who hasn't made some kind of positive impact on someone else's life. Sometimes the initial impact is a negative one, but even a bad role model can can have the effect of showing us what NOT to do, what NOT to become, how NOT to be.

LittleGirlHeart, I want to thank you for being so open about your feelings and for opening the door to this discussion. Too often discourses around here become uni-dimensional, but I appreciate how everyone has been willing to share despite the inner pain we still might feel. There are things I don't normally speak about unless it's relevant in some way. I for one don't have any special powers. Whatever I can do, whatever Gauge and others have done to pull themselves up by their bootstraps takes no special abilities. Simply perseverance. Like they say in 12-step recovery programs: One Day At A Time. Just take it one day at a time.

The reason why I'm especially attuned to cutting things off at the pass is because I had a mentally ill brother. It affected our entire family. I harbored anger toward him for what he put our family through in the later part of my childhood, and it only hurt myself, because I chose men for the wrong reasons to the detriment of my own happiness. It took me a little while before I realized that my issues with men stemmed from my love/hate relationship with my brother. Any man who reminded me of my brother was an instant rejection on my part. It took me decades to finally forgive him, and to see him in a different light, to be a mature adult about recognizing that he couldn't help himself and didn't have control over his faculties.

I think that perhaps the people who adopted you and abused you must have been suffering from mental illness themselves. Was it wrong to take it out on defenseless, innocent children? Absolutely. You were powerless then, but you aren't powerless now. You have the power to forgive them and to no longer allow their failings to have power over you or the pursuit of your own peace of mind and happiness. Forgiveness is not about rightness and wrongness, not about condoning wrongful or hurtful actions. It isn't a Get Out of Jail card. It is an act of immense self-empowerment that you have at your disposal right this minute, contingent upon nothing else other than the unhardening of your heart to grant forgiveness to another. You're not doing it for them, so it has nothing to do with whether they deserve your forgiveness; you're doing it to heal yourself.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 3:39:07 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		I am not a religious person (at all).

I am a spiritual person (barely).

But the one thing I have seen and believe that people find true happiness when they take the pain they have suffered and use it to help others - or, do something to ease the suffering of others, or do anything to help any other soul (human or animal). Especially when someone is in a moment of feeling bad for themselves (self pity) this is the time to reach out a hand to someone who is suffering more. It does not have to be monetary, it can be an ear or a hug, or a face to lick if you want to be at an animal shelter.

I do not know all the various prayers so someone can chime in and correct it, but I believe it is St. Francis of Assisi (who also happens to be the saint most associated with animals, which I know you love) who said (paraphrasing here) "is it better to comfort than be comforted, it is better to love than be loved...."

It is human instinct to think when we are feeling blue that we need pity and people to give to us or do for us. It is human nature (our spirit) to feel full and good when we do for others when we feel dark and empty, it fills up the soul. (Again, this can be for animals too, not just people).

LGH you have suffered many hard trials in your life but you have survived. Many people are coming after (meaning: following in your footsteps, walking the same walk you did) you fighting and need you for support. Someone in this world perhaps needs your shoulder to cry on, needs you to listen to them, needs you to say the simple words, "You are going to be ok, I am ok, I made it, you can make it too." Volunteer for a hotline. Talk to a counselor. Be an ear for someone. It will make you feel better.

Akasha

< Message edited by AAkasha -- 11/12/2014 3:40:54 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 53
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 5:41:55 PM   
Edwynn


Posts: 4105
Joined: 10/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
quote:

ORIGINAL: Edwynn
There are certainly many examples of people in this thread who came out of the woodwork to point out to LittleGirlHeart that many others went through worse than what she did and yet came out of it as a shining light to all of humanity, which only serves to verify her suspicion that her own life is meaningless. Congratulations, fuckwits.


The only fuckwit in this picture is the one who just implied that her life was worthless. Had you the decency or the sense to understand what has been said by people in this thread, you might realize that no one that bothered to write words of encouragement here thought she was worthless. Just you. And you dare say that others need a therapist?


It wasn't me who accused LGH of lathering herself in a "pity party," and it wasn't me who stated that she was pathetic. That was you, as referenced below. My adducing to LGH's potential furtherance of feeling of (lack of) self worth was in reference to the responses, not my own opinion, your reading comprehension skills notwithstanding.

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal
If you cannot get your focus away from yourself, once you have overstayed that inner process, then the pity party will never leave.


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
Do you want to sit there and wallow in how pathetic you feel or do you want to stop feeling pathetic?


It comes as no surprise here that the accusers keep on accusing and are the first to attack someone who's gone about it in another way. Not to mention that glaringly apparent overt projection in mode presents the greatest puzzlement to the recipient who has no clue what you're talking about, especially in your case.

I'm glad that's worked out for you.

We all do what we have to do, just don't bitch and moan if others do it differently than you, or understand it differently than you, and manage to not throw the applicant or questioner off the horse with drivel and insult in the process.







< Message edited by Edwynn -- 11/12/2014 6:11:54 PM >

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 6:05:41 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Edwynn

It wasn't me who accused LGH of lathering herself in a "pity party,"

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

If you cannot get your focus away from yourself, once you have overstayed that inner process, then the pity party will never leave.

It comes as no surprise here that the accusers keep on accusing and are the first to attack someone who's gone about it in another way.

Nobody 'accused' anyone of doing any such thing, speaking of reading (mis)comprehension. The fact that you are inferring an accusatory stance, rather than a sympathetic one, speaks volumes about your own defensiveness.

'If' is conditional as a supposition.
'once you have overstayed' is not a statement of fact, it is a projection into a future probability. You do know what a probability is, don't you?
Contingent upon the above, 'If' and a causative factor which is indeterminate, 'then the pity party will never leave.'
Please study up on the "if, then" suppositions you were taught in grammar school before sticking your foot in your mouth any further.

How you can see these postings as accusatory or as attacks upon the OP is mind-boggling. Here, this might help:




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Edwynn)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 6:08:50 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Or this one, if you have to observe dietetic restrictions: (Disregard if you have alcoholic tendencies or are in alcoholic recovery. )




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Edwynn)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 6:09:48 PM   
shiftyw


Posts: 2837
Joined: 6/6/2013
From: The Shire
Status: offline 		^ ditto her.
I typed like three things but had to delete them all cause they weren't just this side of TOS like F.O.'s there.

Listen to her and dial it back a notch...

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 6:25:03 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		~ FR ~ For good measure...




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 6:27:31 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart

I am adopted, so I know on some major level we were very wanted
However I am often left wondering, why go through so much to get these two kids, then severely abuse them, resulting in cps taking one for the rest of her child hood. I guess I will never know.

Isn't it because the government pays them to adopt kids? I was reading the US government has a system where they pay people to adopt kids and these people keep adopting kids to get that paycheque while abusing the kids they adopt.

I tell ya, childhood scars are the most difficult to heal. It's a life of constant fighting the trauma you have suffered. I have extreme hatred for parents who don't deserve to be parents, because the pain and suffering they inflict on the child is there for life, even throughout adulthood, it never ever goes away.

I don't know what is worst, to be abuse by your own blood mother, or people who didn't give birth to you. I guess it's no difference. Blood mom didn't protect you and give you up. Either she got the guts to torture you herself, or let others do it.

But over all, a person tells me that life is like a sentence. If you consider the full-stop the only time in life you feel a tiny bitsy happiness, that's exactly how life is. So it's really a 100 mile race, and constantly fighting against yourself, your brain, your negativity.

All I can say is, Keep Fighting! And Keep seeking support to help you with your fight.




< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/12/2014 6:45:33 PM >

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 6:30:24 PM   
Edwynn


Posts: 4105
Joined: 10/26/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: Edwynn

It wasn't me who accused LGH of lathering herself in a "pity party,"

quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal

If you cannot get your focus away from yourself, once you have overstayed that inner process, then the pity party will never leave.

It comes as no surprise here that the accusers keep on accusing and are the first to attack someone who's gone about it in another way.

Nobody 'accused' anyone of doing any such thing, speaking of reading (mis)comprehension. The fact that you are inferring an accusatory stance, rather than a sympathetic one, speaks volumes about your own defensiveness.

'If' is conditional as a supposition.
'once you have overstayed' is not a statement of fact, it is a projection into a future probability. You do know what a probability is, don't you?
Contingent upon the above, 'If' and a causative factor which is indeterminate, 'then the pity party will never leave.'
Please study up on the "if, then" suppositions you were taught in grammar school before sticking your foot in your mouth any further.

How you can see these postings as accusatory or as attacks upon the OP is mind-boggling. Here, this might help:






You KNOW I lubs ya, though it not be proven well enough, but it's only the interwebs, after all.

Please read back, I was responding to the idiot who said I called LGH 'worthless,' and if you can't understand the response to that, then there's no use in going further. Yeah, I knew what you meant (in your case), but some responder obviously didn't know what you, I, or anyone else meant.

And again, it perplexes me that nobody attacks the idiots, only the temporarily (I assure you on that point) 'angry.'

Why is it that everybody comes up with the fantastic ability to throw in my face how I missed this or that distinction, and then expect me to take them seriously when they completely overlook the cause.

I am frikkin' tired of all this "Spontaneous and Selective Comprehension" phenomena, I truly am.




(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 60
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