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RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 8:47:18 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

People are sooo different... When my mother died I didn't cry...and that bothered me for a long time. I wondered if there was something wrong with me... could I not feel emotional pain like others... do I really love? Yet at times music can bring tears to my eyes so can a story of charity to another human being.... but only when no one can see me. The mind is such a mystery... I hope science never figures it out and explains away our feelings as some damn survival instinct. It would take the romance and glory from life.

Butch

Oh now, I can cry me a river, but for most of my life, I couldn't shed a tear in public or in front of others. I could be moved to tears by listening to music or by watching touching, bittersweet or sad scenes on film. OMG, I was sobbing while the credits were rolling for "Shutter Island" and "Seven Pounds." , My son thought there was something wrong with me, but I didn't care if he was embarrassed. I know there are some women who will start crying at the drop of a hat. I remember a really long time ago not being able to be tearful in family court; it was as if my tear ducts had dried up, and if ever I had needed to cry at that particular point in my life, it was then.

Anyway, your post reminded me of how a person's emotional responses can be arbitrary, depending on the circumstances.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to kdsub)
Profile   Post #: 81
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 8:50:49 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		To live or not....I look at it this way... If there is a God, which I hope there is, then the choice to live or die means something. If there is no God then our lives... our morals... our pain fear and love mean nothing. We will eventually die as a species... all life will die on this planet...and so will the planet. In eternal time there could have been glorious life somewhere in the universe but totally lost as if it never existed...and so will we be sometime as well.

If there is no God the very universe itself is...has been... and will continue to be useless and senseless. Life will only be relative to itself while it exists and serve no purpose... Then it will be gone and with no life to know and remember... it truly never did exist.

Butch

< Message edited by kdsub -- 11/12/2014 8:57:57 PM >

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 82
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 8:51:31 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		I on the other hand, can break into tears very easily. The other day, I was suppose to meet my dad for kayaking, but I waited for him to pick me up at the wrong place. He of course lost it immediately and had a go at me. And I started tearing and shaking, it was in public, people saw me on the phone and tears started rolling, and I had to take a few minutes to recompose myself. I am a 33 yr old woman, but I don't know why, any harshness from my father affects me terribly. But it does. It's also why I never want to be with a man who has a temper ever or who will be harsh with me, I got enough from both my parents, and I just cannot take it.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/12/2014 8:53:03 PM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 83
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 8:59:54 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

To live or not....I look at it this way... If there is a God, which I hope there is, then the choice to live or die means something. If there is no God then our lives... our morals... our pain fear and love mean nothing. We will eventually die as a species... all life will die on this planet...and so will the planet. In eternal time there could have been glorious life somewhere in the universe but totally lost as if it never existed...and so will we be sometime as well.

If there is no God the very universe itself is...has been... and will continue to be useless and senseless. Life will only be relative to itself while it exists and serve no purpose... Then it will be gone and with no life to know and remember... it truly never did exist.

Butch

Sorry man, but I gotta do it. Last one here, I promise.




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to kdsub)
Profile   Post #: 84
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 9:09:34 PM   
Edwynn


Posts: 4105
Joined: 10/26/2008
Status: offline
You and your psycho-phylosobable postage stamps.

Do they have those in the 'forever' versions? I need to buy some soon.

Thank you.



< Message edited by Edwynn -- 11/12/2014 9:10:34 PM >

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 85
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 9:11:00 PM   
kdsub


Posts: 12180
Joined: 8/16/2007
Status: offline 		lol... What possible good could life be to the universe? We could be as bad as we like and still not make any difference to dead lifeless elements following some nutty useless laws of physics that only mean something to life if it observes or experiences them..

Butch

< Message edited by kdsub -- 11/12/2014 9:12:23 PM >

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 86
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 9:11:08 PM   
FieryOpal


Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Edwynn

You and your psycho-phyloso-bable postage stamps.

Do they have those in the 'forever' versions? I need to buy some soon.

Thank you.

I can always dig up some kittypics for ya.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to Edwynn)
Profile   Post #: 87
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 9:15:16 PM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline 		LGH, you said you had a Daddy, I am assuming you have a significant other then? Or were you referring to your real dad? Forgive me, I am block headed about the meanings sometimes.

I just thought if you had a significant other, you can focus building your life together with him and the goal is to make it a happy one for both of you. I assume if you are with him then you must have some love for him.

If it's a dad, then never mind.


(in reply to Kaliko)
Profile   Post #: 88
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 9:26:30 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		He is my partner.:)

I do focous on our life together, but all I do is wait for him to go to work, then come back. And we volunteer together once a week.

I need to find more to look forward to.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

LGH, you said you had a Daddy, I am assuming you have a significant other then? Or were you referring to your real dad? Forgive me, I am block headed about the meanings sometimes.

I just thought if you had a significant other, you can focus building your life together with him and the goal is to make it a happy one for both of you. I assume if you are with him then you must have some love for him.

If it's a dad, then never mind.





_____________________________


We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 89
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 9:38:35 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		Gauge, i have had therapists before, I don't know that the issues were ever properly dealth with, because they're still.here, but I have called the company I went to before, and I'm meeting her Friday.

I had the.goal simply to bathe everyday and brush my teeth everyday, and I did.really, really well,.and then I stopped. Same with walking calley everyday I did it for a week then I stopped. Maybe everyday was to lofty a goal for someone who's litterally inactive.

My goals for myself coming up will be to work on bettering my situation, get back to a bath everyday, brush teeth, take meds, brush hair. I feel really good when I do those . I feel pride in myself I don't normally feel.






_____________________________


We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)
Profile   Post #: 90
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 9:48:44 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		FieryOpal. You're welcome. I live with my parents, and I love them dearly. I have shocked many therapists that I would since they abused me so much, but they have said they were sorry a long time ago. And we truely support and love each other.

My mom was abused all her childhood too, so I understand why she was the way she was. I am.just very greatful that I have such a kind and gentle personality and temperament, tho I do have a very mean streak at times, it's rare.




quote:

ORIGINAL: FieryOpal


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

I learned that all the bad things that happened to me in my life did not have to destroy me, but could be used as a tool to make me stronger. One of the greatest lessons I learned was that I could take the hurt that was done to me and turn it around in order to help someone else who was going through something similar. Every day you sit there and wallow in all the bad shit that happened to you, those who hurt you win. That should piss you off, because those fuckers do not deserve to win, nor do they deserve any more power over your life. If your remain focused on the hurt, you will never learn how to heal.

littleladybug, it was a toss up between quoting you or Gauge. There isn't a person alive who hasn't made some kind of positive impact on someone else's life. Sometimes the initial impact is a negative one, but even a bad role model can can have the effect of showing us what NOT to do, what NOT to become, how NOT to be.

LittleGirlHeart, I want to thank you for being so open about your feelings and for opening the door to this discussion. Too often discourses around here become uni-dimensional, but I appreciate how everyone has been willing to share despite the inner pain we still might feel. There are things I don't normally speak about unless it's relevant in some way. I for one don't have any special powers. Whatever I can do, whatever Gauge and others have done to pull themselves up by their bootstraps takes no special abilities. Simply perseverance. Like they say in 12-step recovery programs: One Day At A Time. Just take it one day at a time.

The reason why I'm especially attuned to cutting things off at the pass is because I had a mentally ill brother. It affected our entire family. I harbored anger toward him for what he put our family through in the later part of my childhood, and it only hurt myself, because I chose men for the wrong reasons to the detriment of my own happiness. It took me a little while before I realized that my issues with men stemmed from my love/hate relationship with my brother. Any man who reminded me of my brother was an instant rejection on my part. It took me decades to finally forgive him, and to see him in a different light, to be a mature adult about recognizing that he couldn't help himself and didn't have control over his faculties.

I think that perhaps the people who adopted you and abused you must have been suffering from mental illness themselves. Was it wrong to take it out on defenseless, innocent children? Absolutely. You were powerless then, but you aren't powerless now. You have the power to forgive them and to no longer allow their failings to have power over you or the pursuit of your own peace of mind and happiness. Forgiveness is not about rightness and wrongness, not about condoning wrongful or hurtful actions. It isn't a Get Out of Jail card. It is an act of immense self-empowerment that you have at your disposal right this minute, contingent upon nothing else other than the unhardening of your heart to grant forgiveness to another. You're not doing it for them, so it has nothing to do with whether they deserve your forgiveness; you're doing it to heal yourself.



_____________________________


We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to FieryOpal)
Profile   Post #: 91
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 9:59:22 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		I remember coming out of the vet's office, a lady was sitting in her car alone with the door open crying. I asked her why she was crying, turns out she had just had her dog put to sleep. I knelt there, at great physical pain to myself(kneeling and squatting hurts) and I held her hand and shared her pain, and let her talk about her dog. I have only had that loss twice, but both times all of us went to the vet, together that final day, and this poor lady was alone.


I was very sad after comforting her, but I don't regret it. To many people want to look the other way in the face of people's pain. I wouldn't want to deal with sadness regularly, but I do empathize with people and animals, and I do have a heart for them. I think the animals can tell I am a sucker with tons of love to give!
quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha


LGH you have suffered many hard trials in your life but you have survived. Many people are coming after (meaning: following in your footsteps, walking the same walk you did) you fighting and need you for support. Someone in this world perhaps needs your shoulder to cry on, needs you to listen to them, needs you to say the simple words, "You are going to be ok, I am ok, I made it, you can make it too." Volunteer for a hotline. Talk to a counselor. Be an ear for someone. It will make you feel better.

Akasha



_____________________________


We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to AAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 92
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 10:06:27 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		That's fostercare. Adoption parents pay hefty fees to adopt. Our was waived or lowered, because we were considered hard tonadopt, since.we were.already 2 and 4, hard ages to adopt anyway, but the agency refused to seperate us.

I think it's worse for the people who adopt to hurt the kid's though both is terrible.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart

I am adopted, so I know on some major level we were very wanted
However I am often left wondering, why go through so much to get these two kids, then severely abuse them, resulting in cps taking one for the rest of her child hood. I guess I will never know.



Isn't it because the government pays them to adopt kids? I was reading the US government has a system where they pay people to adopt kids and these people keep adopting kids to get that paycheque while abusing the kids they adopt.

I tell ya, childhood scars are the most difficult to heal. It's a life of constant fighting the trauma you have suffered. I have extreme hatred for parents who don't deserve to be parents, because the pain and suffering they inflict on the child is there for life, even throughout adulthood, it never ever goes away.

I don't know what is worst, to be abuse by your own blood mother, or people who didn't give birth to you. I guess it's no difference. Blood mom didn't protect you and give you up. Either she got the guts to torture you herself, or let others do it.

But over all, a person tells me that life is like a sentence. If you consider the full-stop the only time in life you feel a tiny bitsy happiness, that's exactly how life is. So it's really a 100 mile race, and constantly fighting against yourself, your brain, your negativity.

All I can say is, Keep Fighting! And Keep seeking support to help you with your fight.






_____________________________


We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 93
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 10:08:40 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		Yes, I second that.
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
There are some great coping mechanisms to help you through your darker days though and I'm more than happy to share them with you if you want.

Hi Maria,
I am open to listening to how you have coped, and see if any of it can be implemented in my life.




_____________________________


We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 94
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 10:13:46 PM   
LittleGirlHeart


Posts: 1427
Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline 		Daddy cries happy tears, or he was so touched that he cried. When we cry over sad movies, or emotionally hard things, I feel close to him too, but I will also crack a joke cus we're both embarrassed a tiny bit at crying at movies. I'll jikingly say stupid mushiness!
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75


quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
I might not be the typical guy, but I can tell you that I know that if it has to come out of me, then I just let it go and it is very cleansing.

My x-dom cries in happiness and in absolute desolation. I don't think it makes him less manly, but brings me closer to him that he would share such a personal and intimate moment with me.

So I definitely think it's great if it does have therapeutic effects.



_____________________________


We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 95
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/12/2014 10:25:41 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart

Gauge, i have had therapists before, I don't know that the issues were ever properly dealth with, because they're still.here, but I have called the company I went to before, and I'm meeting her Friday.

I had the.goal simply to bathe everyday and brush my teeth everyday, and I did.really, really well,.and then I stopped. Same with walking calley everyday I did it for a week then I stopped. Maybe everyday was to lofty a goal for someone who's litterally inactive.

My goals for myself coming up will be to work on bettering my situation, get back to a bath everyday, brush teeth, take meds, brush hair. I feel really good when I do those . I feel pride in myself I don't normally feel.



Might I be so bold as to suggest that you print out some things from this particular thread that you have written and hand it to your therapist?

I would suggest that you only focus on one day instead of "every day" simply because every day means every single day from there on out. If you simply set the goal to be to do something today, there is no pressure to continue, until you wake up the next day and set your goal again. When I quit drinking, I couldn't imagine 14 years of sobriety, I could barely imagine 14 minutes of sobriety, so I resolved to stay sober for one minute... 60 whole seconds. Then I just did it over the next minute, and the next. I have 14 years of one minute at a time sobriety... but after awhile of doing it for one minute, I realized that I was staying sober for an hour, so I went to an hour at a time, and so on. Point being is that you need to achieve your goal, so make your goal fit you, not you fit your goal. Can't do it every day? Do it today, and worry about tomorrow when tomorrow comes.

Also, what you are looking for is progress, that is all. If you stumble and fall, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep going and realize that stumbling is not failure. When you make progress and stumble along the way, you still made progress. Your stumbling didn't erase your progress, it just stalled it a little.

Set one goal daily. Meet the goal that day. Do that for a week, 7 different days in a row. When you have done your goal for a week, set a second goal for yourself to add to the first one. Do that for one week the same way. Keep going, staying focused on your progress. Reward yourself. Do something nice for yourself when you reach your daily goal. Be persistent and be honest with yourself.

I know what this is like, when I broke down, I said many of the very same things that you have said here. I know the hurt and I know how frightening it can be. I hated feeling like this, I am pretty sure you hate feeling like this too. Nothing is going to change until you make the change happen. I know how fucking hard it is, you feel paralyzed... I get it. If you want to change things, you can, but don't think that it is going to happen all at once. Start somewhere, anywhere will do, but start somewhere. I came up with every excuse in the book not to start and I put more effort into convincing myself that I could not do it than I did trying to do it. I assure you that it does not take much effort to start the ball rolling and make good things happen, you just have to find a little strength to do it.

You are worth the effort. If I didn't think you were, I would not try to help you. If you do not believe that you are worth the effort, then you can use my belief that you are worth it until you find that belief for yourself.

I'm rooting for you.


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)
Profile   Post #: 96
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/13/2014 1:38:31 AM   
Greta75


Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart

He is my partner.:)

I do focous on our life together, but all I do is wait for him to go to work, then come back. And we volunteer together once a week.

I need to find more to look forward to.


Sounds awesome! It sounds like you landed yourself a great man who just loves you as you are. And you will have more things to look forward to. Just find more things to do. 1% interest in something is all you need. At some point of time, inactivity will bore you so much, you'll just naturally find something. Because I'm pretty sure the reason why you are looking is because you are bored of your inactivity. If it makes you happy, then you'd be content.

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)
Profile   Post #: 97
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/13/2014 6:51:55 AM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

This topic always made me wondered how many people actually would choose life if given a choice. And if that is the reason why they don't make euthanasia legal, because they know if they did, majority would actually choose not to live.

But in a way, I think they should make euthanasia legal, because, let the ones who really wants to live, live. And the ones who do not, die. I mean, we want choices in so many things but we cannot choose to live or die. That's kinda against human right in a way.


I might not agree with you on many things Greta, but on this I do. I never understood why we insist on forcing people to live if they don't want to. To me the craziest thing in the world is when they bend over backwards to prevent someone killing themselves if the person has been told they are terminally ill.... Or have been sentenced to life on prison.... Or death. What is the point in forcing these people to live if they don't want to?

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to Greta75)
Profile   Post #: 98
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/13/2014 6:56:57 AM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

People are sooo different... When my mother died I didn't cry...and that bothered me for a long time. I wondered if there was something wrong with me... could I not feel emotional pain like others... do I really love? Yet at times music can bring tears to my eyes so can a story of charity to another human being.... but only when no one can see me. The mind is such a mystery... I hope science never figures it out and explains away our feelings as some damn survival instinct. It would take the romance and glory from life.

Butch


OMG I'm the exact same way.... I can get choked up over a song or movie.... Yet when my grandmother and mother died, I did t cry....and it bothers me a lot. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me.

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to kdsub)
Profile   Post #: 99
RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/13/2014 7:06:11 AM   
smileforme50


Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Edwynn


The one inarguable is existence.


But do you want to "exist" or do you want to LIVE?


< Message edited by smileforme50 -- 11/13/2014 7:21:08 AM >

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to Edwynn)
Profile   Post #: 100
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