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RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/13/2014 7:06:57 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50
OMG I'm the exact same way.... I can get choked up over a song or movie.... Yet when my grandmother and mother died, I did t cry....and it bothers me a lot. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me.

Nothing is wrong. Subconsciously, you know they are in a better place.

Anyway, generally, people like me who choose not to exist in the question of this thread, do not usually see death as a bad thing.

And anyway, alot of good people die young, and bad people live a long long life.

I figured, there must be reason for that, and not the negative cynical reason, but dying is a reward, not exactly punishment.

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 101

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/13/2014 7:15:12 AM

smallpee

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As someone who is an East Indian, if I knew I was going to lead a shitty life, I would NEVER live it !

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 102

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/13/2014 7:33:30 AM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
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quote:

ORIGINAL: smallpee

As someone who is an East Indian, if I knew I was going to lead a shitty life, I would NEVER live it !

Ok.... Since I know nothing about being east Indisn.....what does being east Imdian have to do with your choice?

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to smallpee)

Post #: 103

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/13/2014 9:19:12 AM

ExiledTyrant

Posts: 4547
Joined: 12/9/2013
From: Exiled
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quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

quote:

ORIGINAL: smallpee

As someone who is an East Indian, if I knew I was going to lead a shitty life, I would NEVER live it !

Ok.... Since I know nothing about being east Indisn.....what does being east Imdian have to do with your choice?

Ha ha! It sez "silly bitch" under you avatar name. I am the magnanimous giver of crappy names, bask in my glory.

Jus sayin

_____________________________

Gnothi Seauton
To lead, first follow: Aurelius, Epictetus, Descartes, Sun Tzu, to name a few.

Semper fidelis (which sometimes feels like a burden)

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 104

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/13/2014 9:22:49 AM

Greta75

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Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: smallpee

As someone who is an East Indian, if I knew I was going to lead a shitty life, I would NEVER live it !

I am really interpreting this as because his from India and if he knew he was gonna have a shitty life in India as a shitty life there is seriously shitty, he'd rather be dead ha!
Tell me if I got it spot on!!!

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/13/2014 9:23:10 AM >

(in reply to smallpee)

Post #: 105

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/13/2014 10:25:04 AM

smileforme50

Posts: 1623
Joined: 1/24/2013
From: DelaWHERE(?)
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExiledTyrant

quote:

ORIGINAL: smileforme50

quote:

ORIGINAL: smallpee

As someone who is an East Indian, if I knew I was going to lead a shitty life, I would NEVER live it !

Ok.... Since I know nothing about being east Indisn.....what does being east Imdian have to do with your choice?

Ha ha! It sez "silly bitch" under you avatar name. I am the magnanimous giver of crappy names, bask in my glory.

Jus sayin

Are you JUST noticing that now?????

Now back to our regularly scheduled program.....

_____________________________

“Give it to me!” she yelled
“I’m so fucking wet! Give it to me now!”

She could scream all she wanted…..I was keeping the umbrella.

(in reply to ExiledTyrant)

Post #: 106

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/14/2014 8:25:28 AM

LittleGirlHeart

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Joined: 4/4/2013
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I am meeting a new therapist today. I'm wearing my turkey shirt and owl skirt:) I hope I like her, one comment on the phone she made, makes me wonder if she'd be open to my relationship choice.

She said to be honest there's days I wanna run to my mom and have her hold me and take care of me, but it's not possible, as nice as it would be, you can't go back. But I believe you can go back to childhood, sort of, that's the whole point for dome Daddy's and Littles. I am giving her the benefit of doubt of how her comment was meant

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to smileforme50)

Post #: 107

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/14/2014 8:45:16 AM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart
She said to be honest there's days I wanna run to my mom and have her hold me and take care of me, but it's not possible, as nice as it would be, you can't go back.

I don't know why she'd say that, since your mom was abusive. There is no mom to run back to.

But anyway, I think you mentioned your foster parents have acknowledged their mistakes and apologized. It's interesting that despite that, you are still questioning why did they bother adopting you in the first place just to do all that to you. Did they not explain it?

It makes me think about, how would I feel if my mom ever apologies, but in my dreams. My mom, no matter how many times I confronted her with my grievances towards her, and how abusive she was to me as a mother, her answer is always the same. She gave birth to me, I owe her my life, and I'm being hella ungrateful about it, she can do whatever she wants to me, and it's my job to forgive her because she's my mom. And then she'll bring up about how bad her dad was, but she still took care of him and blah blah blah, because children are suppose to apparently continue taking shit from their parents and keep forgiving. And after that, she'll say that, the problem with me was that she didn't beat me enough, that's why I am like this today. She spoiled me and didn't inflict enough violence against me apparently to break my spirit. It gets me freaking pissed off, and to be frank, I've been dying for an apology from her which I know I will never get, ever. That's why I still keep bringing shit up to her in her face.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/14/2014 8:49:13 AM >

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)

Post #: 108

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/14/2014 11:39:51 AM

LittleGirlHeart

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She was talking about her mom.

I asked my dad once, and he said he didn't know why. My mom, she was abused all her childhood, so she was just modeling the abusive behaviors she grew up with.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart
She said to be honest there's days I wanna run to my mom and have her hold me and take care of me, but it's not possible, as nice as it would be, you can't go back.

I don't know why she'd say that, since your mom was abusive. There is no mom to run back to.

But anyway, I think you mentioned your foster parents have acknowledged their mistakes and apologized. It's interesting that despite that, you are still questioning why did they bother adopting you in the first place just to do all that to you. Did they not explain it?

It makes me think about, how would I feel if my mom ever apologies, but in my dreams. My mom, no matter how many times I confronted her with my grievances towards her, and how abusive she was to me as a mother, her answer is always the same. She gave birth to me, I owe her my life, and I'm being hella ungrateful about it, she can do whatever she wants to me, and it's my job to forgive her because she's my mom. And then she'll bring up about how bad her dad was, but she still took care of him and blah blah blah, because children are suppose to apparently continue taking shit from their parents and keep forgiving. And after that, she'll say that, the problem with me was that she didn't beat me enough, that's why I am like this today. She spoiled me and didn't inflict enough violence against me apparently to break my spirit. It gets me freaking pissed off, and to be frank, I've been dying for an apology from her which I know I will never get, ever. That's why I still keep bringing shit up to her in her face.

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 109

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/14/2014 11:40:52 AM

LittleGirlHeart

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Joined: 4/4/2013
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I like her! She said she doesn't judge, and if I am happy and safe, she does not care what dynamic I want to have:)

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)

Post #: 110

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/14/2014 12:09:30 PM

MariaB

Posts: 2969
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
I don't know why she'd say that, since your mom was abusive. There is no mom to run back to.

Actually there is, I have a place I go sometimes, its a peaceful place with where I have an imaginary mum and dad. We run bare foot through the corn fields together, we laugh, we have fun and most importantly we love. Whilst I may of never really had a mum and dad who held me and told me how much they loved me or how proud they were of me, the ones in my imagination do.

To be honest its not a place I visit often any more but in my past I was a regular visitor. Its a self therapy that you are completely in control of and lifts your self esteem enormously.

My own mum, even when I was in foster care, had complete control over me and my emotions. I loved her and I did everything to try and please her, make her proud of me and more than anything else, love me. This carried on into my young adult life; right up to meeting a great therapist. She helped me to break away from my mothers control. She helped me understand that my mother is a sociopath and that if I didn't break away I would forever be full of guilt, resentment and emptiness. I did break away from her control and once I'd done that, life just got better and better.

Edited to say, LGH, its great you have found a new therapist and you like her (that is so important). I hope she's able to guide you into healing yourself from all this anguish. Its a rough road with one step forward and two steps back but no matter how long the journey, its worth it.

< Message edited by MariaB -- 11/14/2014 12:14:31 PM >

_____________________________

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(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 111

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/14/2014 12:11:05 PM

kdsub

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Joined: 8/16/2007
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LittleGirlHeart I do hope you are feeling better today. Just reading your posts I get the idea, most likely wrong, that the mood you were in when you started this thread is not how you feel all the time. I hope this is true and just talking about it has made a positive difference.

You do have some advantages in your life and i hope you don't overlook them. First you are intelligent and you seem to be able to define what your problem is. There are soooooo many lost souls that just hurt and don't know why. And most important you have the support of people that love you. You may not realize it but just having someone who truly cares makes YOU special. Just the fact that strangers here on CM will take the time to help you... even if we have no idea how to... should mean to you that your life has worth.

It seems to me that no matter how bad your life feels or how low your self esteem if you were not here with us and those who care for you all our lives would be diminished. So that means there are two reason to carry on and be born... to experience life with all the beauty and terror that comes with it... and to allow others to fulfill their need to love someone... you.

Butch

_____________________________

Mark Twain:

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)

Post #: 112

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/14/2014 1:29:42 PM

LittleGirlHeart

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Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

I am a lot happier today. I am always kind of eh about things, that's a constant, but I am not usually so depressed
. Talking about it has helped. It gets it out of your head, so it stops bouncing around and around dwelling.
(Big hugs)

Yes, I do have some very special people in my life, and a beautiful and loving dog. I know I maker her life much brighter being in it.

And, there's lots of people on this site, for whom I know, that my kindness and loving nature is a joy to them to see.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub

LittleGirlHeart I do hope you are feeling better today. Just reading your posts I get the idea, most likely wrong, that the mood you were in when you started this thread is not how you feel all the time. I hope this is true and just talking about it has made a positive difference.

You do have some advantages in your life and i hope you don't overlook them. First you are intelligent and you seem to be able to define what your problem is. There are soooooo many lost souls that just hurt and don't know why. And most important you have the support of people that love you. You may not realize it but just having someone who truly cares makes YOU special. Just the fact that strangers here on CM will take the time to help you... even if we have no idea how to... should mean to you that your life has worth.

It seems to me that no matter how bad your life feels or how low your self esteem if you were not here with us and those who care for you all our lives would be diminished. So that means there are two reason to carry on and be born... to experience life with all the beauty and terror that comes with it... and to allow others to fulfill their need to love someone... you.

Butch

< Message edited by LittleGirlHeart -- 11/14/2014 1:47:32 PM >

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to kdsub)

Post #: 113

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/14/2014 1:40:54 PM

LittleGirlHeart

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Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

after I reported my parents, and I was in the first group home I don't know how long it had been , but anyway mom gets an un supervised visit. Well she begged me to tell the social workers I had been mad at my dad because I couldn't get my way on something I wanted, and that I had made up everything I had said happened to get back at him. Naturally I didn't do that.

Maria, yes, it's good to find someone I like. She confirmed something was missing in my life that is causing the issues , and we don't know what yet, but we will work to find out.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75
I don't know why she'd say that, since your mom was abusive. There is no mom to run back to.

Actually there is, I have a place I go sometimes, its a peaceful place with where I have an imaginary mum and dad. We run bare foot through the corn fields together, we laugh, we have fun and most importantly we love. Whilst I may of never really had a mum and dad who held me and told me how much they loved me or how proud they were of me, the ones in my imagination do.

To be honest its not a place I visit often any more but in my past I was a regular visitor. Its a self therapy that you are completely in control of and lifts your self esteem enormously.

My own mum, even when I was in foster care, had complete control over me and my emotions. I loved her and I did everything to try and please her, make her proud of me and more than anything else, love me. This carried on into my young adult life; right up to meeting a great therapist. She helped me to break away from my mothers control. She helped me understand that my mother is a sociopath and that if I didn't break away I would forever be full of guilt, resentment and emptiness. I did break away from her control and once I'd done that, life just got better and better.

Edited to say, LGH, its great you have found a new therapist and you like her (that is so important). I hope she's able to guide you into healing yourself from all this anguish. Its a rough road with one step forward and two steps back but no matter how long the journey, its worth it.

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 114

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/14/2014 3:01:23 PM

Greta75

Posts: 9968
Joined: 2/6/2011
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart
My mom, she was abused all her childhood, so she was just modeling the abusive behaviors she grew up with.

It's something I can never understand why people do that.
My mom's dad is very harsh and abusive too. So she always feels like what she does is nothing, as compared to her father, that she is superiorly kind and humane towards me compared to him.
I feel like, she's almost angry when she dump me with her dad when I was born for the first 6 years of my life, she was angry how kind and loving he was towards me. And maybe that was an issue too, as she later spitefully forbids me to see him anymore when she took me back. But I don't care whatever her reasons were, it does not matter to me, none will ever be acceptable.

< Message edited by Greta75 -- 11/14/2014 3:06:03 PM >

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)

Post #: 115

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/14/2014 3:09:18 PM

Greta75

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB
the ones in my imagination do.

I always imagined I have a man who loved me the way I want to be loved, but never imagined myself with great parents, because I just feel, there is no possibility to make that come true. And in a way, imagining about something that there is no hope of ever happening is kinda depressing to me. But different people do have different ways to cope.
For me, I always imagined one day I'd have a child, and I'd be able to replicate the dream mom I wished I had, that was the direction of my imagination, I guess I always imagine about things that are possible to happen, so that there is hope and I can have a chance to make it happen.

(in reply to MariaB)

Post #: 116

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/14/2014 4:55:05 PM

LittleGirlHeart

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Joined: 4/4/2013
Status: offline

It's common for people who've been raised in toxic homes to be toxic themselves if they do not do the work to break the cycle. . Some people may have un resolved psychological issues.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Greta75

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart
My mom, she was abused all her childhood, so she was just modeling the abusive behaviors she grew up with.

It's something I can never understand why people do that.
My mom's dad is very harsh and abusive too. So she always feels like what she does is nothing, as compared to her father, that she is superiorly kind and humane towards me compared to him.
I feel like, she's almost angry when she dump me with her dad when I was born for the first 6 years of my life, she was angry how kind and loving he was towards me. And maybe that was an issue too, as she later spitefully forbids me to see him anymore when she took me back. But I don't care whatever her reasons were, it does not matter to me, none will ever be acceptable.

< Message edited by LittleGirlHeart -- 11/14/2014 4:57:56 PM >

_____________________________

We'll fight, not out of spite
For someone must stand up for what's right
'Cause where there's a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

(in reply to Greta75)

Post #: 117

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/16/2014 2:16:28 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LittleGirlHeart

I think if I knew everything I have gone through and live with, I would choose not to exsist.

I skimmed through the thread and walked away. Then I thought about it for awhile. Thought some more and just decided to reply to the beginning.

I would like to say yes.

I've known people that have had horrible terrible childhoods. Awful. Some have managed to overcome and lead productive and apparently, full happy lives. Others, like an ex of mine, allowed it to destroy them.

I am not sure what that intangible thing is. Inside a person, that gives them the ability and strength to overcome the horrible and find a place to be happy, regardless of all the horrible unhappy.

I certainly didn't have the greatest beginning to life but I'd be lying if I said it was terrible. I simply cannot fathom living the childhood of many I've known.

I firmly believe that there is a sliding scale of nature and nurture. I also believe that, regardless of nurture or lack thereof, there is that intangible inner nature that affects how we deal with it.

I would like to think that, whatever life threw at me I had that intangible quality that would give me the ability to overcome, and be glad I did. However, because I've not been in that extreme place, I would be a fool to know without a doubt I am one of those remarkably strong individuals.

On the other hand, I sometimes lean towards believing in reincarnation. With a purpose. When thinking along those lines I also lean towards the concept that the soul chooses it's rebirth. With that said, to avoid a life and the learning experience meant for that life, to not live it would only be prolonging the process. And, since I've not experienced in this life, the horrors, if reincarnation exists, I've either already made the choice to avoid a horrible shitty life.......OR.......that wasn't the lessons I needed to learn.

So, with that all said, I just cannot easily answer.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 11/16/2014 2:18:19 PM >

_____________________________

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to LittleGirlHeart)

Post #: 118

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/16/2014 4:25:17 PM

sexyred1

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Joined: 8/9/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Edwynn

I don't take that Gretta's experience is any much afar from what has happened so many times in her own country and in many other countries.

What I do think is that 'Westerners' should just listen and learn something new about the rest of the world, if that's not asking too much. She experiences these 'same things' differently, in a different light, as from a different social/cultural background.

I'm only somewhat interested in her 'personal problems,' as such, but how this affects her and the particulars of 'why' I think should be educational for those interested in any world beyond their own. It is for me, anyway.

I get that, however she should do the same and stop making so many generalizations about gender. I mean, saying women need to cry before attempting to solve a problem or that when men cry things must be really dire?

I try to be patient but these are just ridiculous and only serve to keep her from seeing that she doesn't have to buy into cultural stereotypes.

For the purposes of the OP's thread, offering personal and varied perspectives are valuable.

Great thread.

(in reply to Edwynn)

Post #: 119

RE: if you knew you would have a shitty life, and could... - 11/16/2014 6:46:23 PM

FieryOpal

Posts: 2821
Joined: 12/8/2013
From: Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse
...
I am not sure what that intangible thing is. Inside a person, that gives them the ability and strength to overcome the horrible and find a place to be happy, regardless of all the horrible unhappy.
<snip>
On the other hand, I sometimes lean towards believing in reincarnation. With a purpose. When thinking along those lines I also lean towards the concept that the soul chooses it's rebirth. With that said, to avoid a life and the learning experience meant for that life, to not live it would only be prolonging the process. And, since I've not experienced in this life, the horrors, if reincarnation exists, I've either already made the choice to avoid a horrible shitty life.......OR.......that wasn't the lessons I needed to learn.

There was a time when I believed in reincarnation and karma. Such beliefs can have their merits if not used to throw in somebody's face that they are stuck in the situation they're in or the untenable place they find themselves in because they did or didn't do something to deserve it. This is a reverse form of accepting personal responsibility and can be a cop-out for some to resign themselves to their lot in life, so to speak.
(I'm thinking more of elitist thinking, where the haves lord it over the have-nots, such as with the caste system in India.)

The benefit I see in this belief system or ideology, is precisely what you mention. Deal with it now, or you'll have to deal with it later inevitably.

I look at spiritual beliefs this way, as to whether they serve an uplifting purpose to better oneself or whether they are a hindrance which should be discarded.
1. Does this belief (system) add value to my life and to the lives of others who are near and dear to my heart? Does it make me a better person than if I had no particular faith?
2. Does it have therapeutic value?
FWIW, if you cannot answer yes to the above, and if others are constantly pointing out how you are getting in your own way or self-sabotaging, then your personal belief system - whatever it might be or not be - does not serve you. Push it aside and move forward.

_____________________________

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu
There is no remedy for love but to love more. - Thoreau

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 120

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