RE: Dommes wanting too much respect

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Dommes wanting too much respect

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/28/2006 10:49:04 PM

Najakcharmer

Posts: 2121
Joined: 5/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submit2one
I expect any submissive male who is not MY submissive to still treat Me with deference and complete respect, whether out of an innate sense of honor to his own Domme or in deference to his hopes of FINDING a Domme.

Why do you imagine that your sexual preference entitles you to special treatment from strangers? This is a serious question and I'd be interested in hearing answers from this viewpoint. Is there any kind of reasonable justification that goes beyond, "But I want to have D/s interactions with everybody whether they are my consenting partners or not"? Is no one allowed to politely decline their consent to engage in a D/s interaction with you?

Basic courtesy and respect is an excellent quality in a submissive as well as a dominant, and I don't think it's a good idea for anyone to be rude or inconsiderate to others regardless of their orientation. Word does get around the scene, as you mentioned, and it's never a good idea to create a reputation for discourtesy that precedes you.

I think that everyone is entitled to be treated with basic courtesy and respect regardless of what they do in the bedroom or the dungeon with their partners. No one's sexual or kinky orientation entitles them to treat other people with disrespect.

(in reply to submit2one)

Post #: 61

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/28/2006 11:45:26 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Well I hope this has cleared up alot. I enjoy reading the other posts that will no doubt come from this.

Also this is the only forum im a member off where the mods are hidden. On all the other sites im a member off the mods nic is the same as the posting nic. It helps to stop one sided modding.

I bet you enjoy reading them, I know you are getting the attention you intended.

My only question is, whatin your absolute knowledge makes you think the mods post under another nic? Maybe they refrain from giving their opinion, and just mediate as needed....just a thought.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 62

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/28/2006 11:48:16 PM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

The mods are users on the site. That is how you become a mod by chatting on the site and becoming favoured. But sadly some people cant mod their friends when they become mods.

I've been on these boards a long time. I may not post much but I have been around..

I'm not after attention. I post how I feel. I sometimes agree. I sometimes disagree. I seem to disagree on the more contraversal topics but thats life. Its just sad people attack the person not the post...

< Message edited by imtempting -- 10/28/2006 11:49:57 PM >

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 63

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 12:05:21 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

RFL, I seem to remember a call for volunteers at one time for mods from the site at large, so there goes the chatting up and getting picked theory, in my opinion anyway.

I've been here a while also, and will say I think the mods have a thankless job, damned if they do and damned if they don't; it should be possible for adults to moderate themselves, but that is not possible. All I can say is there are some posters here that you have called favored, that have said also that they were "reminded" from time to time of the intent of these boards. The only difference that I can see is that they actually give creedence to what they were told.

I have made friends here, some popular on the boards, some not. They have not always posted ideas that agree with mine. They have never dismissed my ideas, nor I theirs. EVERYONE here, including you, is entitled to their opinions of comments made in these forums. It is unfortunate however, (and this is not directed at you) that it seems at times those opinions of the comments seem to become opinions of the persons stating those opinions. I myself have succumbed to the same thing, but it is a shame as supposed adults that we cannot at the least remain civil to each other no matter what. This is JUST a forum, and can be turned off at any time. It is a shame some people forget that.

Edited to replace an "are" with "is"..I knew something didn't look right, lol

< Message edited by kc692 -- 10/29/2006 12:21:33 AM >

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 64

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 12:11:09 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

Well said kc

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 65

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 12:17:47 AM

LadySeraphina

Posts: 931
Joined: 3/28/2006
From: Calgary, Canada
Status: offline

I'm a Domme, and a person (gasp!), and I don't expect people to be deferential to me unless they serve me. I do expect them to be polite, and use common courtesy. That's also a flexible thing, because a steaming bag of doggie-do from Benji would be quite the compliment - especially since he'd have to come all the way to Calgary, Canada to deliver it!

I sometimes get harsher than I intend to with people, but we all do that. As long as we attempt to be kind and courteous to those around us, I think we're doing well. I treat strangers and friends alike with all the lovingkindness I have in me to give. Sometimes that's a lot, and sometimes it is not, but I do the best I can. I always hope others will try to do the same, regardless of what role they choose for themselves.

Lady S

< Message edited by LadySeraphina -- 10/29/2006 12:20:15 AM >

_____________________________

"Men are like wine. They start out as grapes and its up to the woman to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with." -Unknown

www.LadySeraphina.ca

www.SeraphinasToybox.com.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 66

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 1:32:46 AM

diamonddreamlove

Posts: 770
Joined: 5/19/2006
Status: offline

The dommes i know personally treat their subs in the same respectful way that the doms treat theirs. Now i do see locally some Doms treating the Dommes differently and not very respectfully at times.

_____________________________

"Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much." Robert Greenleaf

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 67

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 1:35:19 AM

LadySeraphina

Posts: 931
Joined: 3/28/2006
From: Calgary, Canada
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: diamonddreamlove

The dommes i know personally treat their subs in the same respectful way that the doms treat theirs. Now i do see locally some Doms treating the Dommes differently and not very respectfully at times.

Ooh, the plot thickens! ;)

_____________________________

"Men are like wine. They start out as grapes and its up to the woman to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with." -Unknown

www.LadySeraphina.ca

www.SeraphinasToybox.com.

(in reply to diamonddreamlove)

Post #: 68

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 2:05:02 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings

ok let me see you think every dommes is stuck and an idiot. then you hacve been speaking to the wrong dommes i give respect to those who gave it to me. when someone write me i always write back even if i am not interested in them i wish to luck in there search , now i wonder who is being so mean to you, i always have found that only once or twice have i had someone be so mean to me and i block them, i do not ask for respect i command it but i also give it back to the person i get it from i am not better then anyone i just want respect, i am really sorry you had such a time with some of the dommes i do with you luck in your search for that one great domme take care

mons

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 69

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 5:55:42 AM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Now I am seeing this more and more on these boards.

I think this is nearly the crux of your stated experience. Stick around a while longer. Things tend to wax and wane and these boards are no exception.

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

Alot of dommes are wanting every sub male to pretty much just agree with them.

Anyone who does not agree with them gets vindicted and flamed.

I know a lot of people, from all venues, who take disagreement poorly. Are you saying you've no experience with this phenomenon outside this venue?

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

So I think the females domme of these boards should get real and stop acting like stuck up idiots.

Nice. Is this typical of what they are responding to? I wouldn't know as I don't know that I've seen your posts before. I don't get to every forum nor every thread (or even every post within a thread). However, if this is typical of your posting style then I would suggest you turn your analysis inward if your goal is to improve interpersonal relations. It would be the focus that you have the most influence over, anyway.

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

That is not directed at every domme as many are fine but many others are stuck up...

Blanket insults punctuated with disclaimers don't usually engender respect or even courtesy. Not that anyone owes anyone else respect, but if it's a dynamic you'd like to have in your interactions then I courteously submit that, again, change begins within.

Nobody owes anyone else respect, you don't even have to respect yourself. That's entirely up to you and you can make your own determinations about what deserves respect. I'm all good with that. Don't be surprised when others do or don't agree with your baseline, though.

There will always be people who think that "high protocol" is the only proper way to interact in a lifestyle venue and there will always be people who think that's a bunch of horse shit. Not surprisingly, there will always be people who think others should be on board with their notion of "proper" too. It makes no difference whether you are insisting that others refer to you with deference or whether you are insisting that others stop expecting that; it's flip sides of the same coin. Oh dear, I seem to have come back to "change begins within."

For many of us, how we see others deal with disappointment, disagreement, and (our perception of) dysfunction is a cornerstone of how we see the person that's dealing. Which is to say, if an asshole condescends to you and you react by being a rebellious asshole, you will still be an asshole in our eyes (whether you are justified or not).

Usually you get what you make (or are willing to participate in).

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 70

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 6:38:54 AM

imtempting

Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

greetings

ok let me see you think every dommes is stuck and an idiot. then you hacve been speaking to the wrong dommes i give respect to those who gave it to me. when someone write me i always write back even if i am not interested in them i wish to luck in there search , now i wonder who is being so mean to you, i always have found that only once or twice have i had someone be so mean to me and i block them, i do not ask for respect i command it but i also give it back to the person i get it from i am not better then anyone i just want respect, i am really sorry you had such a time with some of the dommes i do with you luck in your search for that one great domme take care

mons

Did you even read my first post fully? or read the first half and clicked on reply?

@mizsuz
I know a lot of people, from all venues, who take disagreement poorly. Are you saying you've no experience with this phenomenon outside this venue?

Yea I have experience with it. Its sad some of the dommes act like this though.

No my postsing is not always saying their stuck up idiots. Read my first post. I did no direct this to all dommes but only those that are stuck up. Funny that alot of domme's are replying. Could it be a self guilt knowing they do expect too much and afriad people will stop giving it to them on these boards?

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 71

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 7:03:23 AM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

quote:

ORIGINAL: mizsuz
I know a lot of people, from all venues, who take disagreement poorly. Are you saying you've no experience with this phenomenon outside this venue?

Yea I have experience with it. Its sad some of the dommes act like this though.

Do you have some expectation that dominant women in general are supposed to be more evolved (by your definition) than any other segment of the population?

I think it's sad regardless of whether it's coming from a dominant, submissive, fundamentalist, whatever.

quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

No my postsing is not always saying their stuck up idiots. Read my first post. I did no direct this to all dommes but only those that are stuck up. Funny that alot of domme's are replying. Could it be a self guilt knowing they do expect too much and afriad people will stop giving it to them on these boards?

If you mean by your 'first post' the original post on this thread then I'm pretty sure I responded to it for the most part point by point. If you mean some other first post then please clarify.

No, I do not think that dominant women on this thread are responding from guilt, I think they are reacting to what they perceive as blanket statement judgementalism and yet another whiney post lamenting the injustice of the scene not being what the poster wants it to be, while not taking any responsibility for making their own scene what they want (and in so doing choosing to not participate in the part they don't like).

My scene is in good shape because I make it that way. Why does your scene suck?

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to imtempting)

Post #: 72

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 7:58:55 AM

submit2one

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/3/2005
Status: offline

Najak-not-very-charming-at-all,

You are letting your lack of experience show, young one.

20 years ago, to be treated with respect by a submissive in a BDSM environment did not mean a sub would have to grovel at My feet, begging for My attention...it merely meant that treating Me with insults and or sarcasm would earn him swift discipline, whether at the hands of his own Domme or at the hands of the event Moderator or MC. Treating Me with respect could be an act as simple as a sub maintaining silence and lowering his eyes as I passed by. If you define protocol as "DS interaction" on that level, then yes, I expect it.

I miss the old days. I miss the protocol. I miss dependable good manners from sincere subs. I miss the formality of a gaggle of well trained submissive males in the company of their experienced Dommes who all knew how to behave with decorum, respect and deference, no matter the situation.

It might have been a gathering at High Tea, it might have been a flogging demonstration, it might have been a CBT tutorial, or it might have been at a mixer or dinner that is commonly known today as a 'munch'. *rolls eyes and shivers at the very word 'munch'...egads*

Even Dommes treated Each Other with complete respect, something you would know nothing about.

I am saddened for those who do not know, and who will never know, what it is to be treated with reverence by any and all submissives encountered at such functions. That was a grand feeling, and if it were not tied directly to My Dominant persona I probably would not have found it so intensely gratifying, but I did, and it was.

Those days, sadly, are gone, and the more sophisticated, more formally trained subs have passed through the halls of time along with them.

Many years past, in times and in circles you cannot hope to ever understand or appreciate, one would never have replied with such blatant disdain for the opinion of One far more experienced than themselves, as you just have.

Of course, times change, so today, anyone who reads a post feels emboldened to reply with disdain and disrespect just because they can.

*sigh*

As I said: I miss days gone by.

I believe that was the point of my post to begin with.

Go run your pseudopsychoanalysis on someone else, young one...perhaps they are 'in need' of your 'counsel'. I am not.

s2one

(in reply to Najakcharmer)

Post #: 73

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 8:41:42 AM

submit2one

Posts: 26
Joined: 7/3/2005
Status: offline

pixel,

Being courteous, polite and respectful is what I expect from a sub, no more, no less.

Whether you like it or not, your 'submission' begins at the outset of your communication with any Domme, no matter the context.

A sub who holds their submissive nature aside as some grand prize to be won by the Girl who Grabs the Brass Ring doesn't understand the true meaning of submission.

No, it doesn't mean submitting to the whims of anyone you don't know, it means behaving in a submissive, biddable, willing, polite and respectful manner to any Domme (until for whatever reason they prove themselves to be undeserving of getting to know that side of you). Behaving in a submissive, biddable, willing polite and respectful manner to those you perceive as having identified themselves as a Domme is where true submission starts, it is the foundation for all that comes after.

Yes, the act of submission is a precious, unique and glorious gift; the act of submission and the nature of submissiveness are not the same thing. They are intertwined of course, but the act of submission does not equal submissiveness.

Behaving as a polite submissive does not mean a sub is bestowing upon someone he hardly knows any act of submission to Her. It merely means he is a true submissive who understands his role within the interaction, no matter how inconsequential that interaction might be.

I like to see that a submissive nature is a part of any sub's inherent nature, not just a character trait that he pulls out of his box of many character traits at various times to use or to withhold at will.

By the same token, a Domme who is Dominant by nature is Dominant in her approach to almost everyone She encounters in some way shape or form.

That does not mean that she actually chooses to Dominate every single individual that she comes into contact with. It only means it is her basic nature to expect the best from others.

The act of Domination is not the same as being a Dominant by nature. Behaving as a polite, experienced Domme who expects the best from you, even though I do not know you personally, whether we're here on the boards or meeting somewhere at a function, does not mean that I am asking you, or any sub, to submit to me physically, emotionally, or sexually in any way.

Being a Domme simply means that I WILL expect the best from you, whether we are writing on a board or perhaps meeting in passing at a BDSM activity. It means that I have a responsibility to be respectful towards you, too, and to be protective of you because you ARE a sub, whether you are My sub, or not. It is the responsibility that goes along with being who and what I am, and with knowing what I know, and with having developed the skills that I have developed.

As a Dominant, I must also treat you with the deference, the kindness, the respect that you deserve as a man who has come to know and understand his submissive nature. Behaving as a respectful Domina does not mean that I choose to be your Domme or that I attempt to throw assignments out to you here on the boards, for example. Being a Dominant, and attempting to be your Domme are two separate, distinct, if related, states of being.

My being a Dominant, and your being a submissive, means we must both respect each other, at all times...here on the boards or elsewhere. Whether I am your Domme, or whether you are My sub, or not.

Good luck to you in your submissive journey,

submit2one

[/quote]

I do my best to be courteous, polite and respectful with everyone I encounter here or elsewhere in my life and its my hope that I'll receive the same from them as well. However, for me, that's as far as I feel is necessary when it comes to interacting with any woman who considers herself a Domme that I encounter here on the message boards.

While I may identify as a submissive male, my submission is something I've not given to a particular woman at this time. In my mind, just because a woman identifies as a Domme, doesn't mean that I should be expected to treat her differently than anyone else who posts here. As she's not gained my submission, in my view, she's also not earned the right to expect any special honors or deferential treatment from me.

- pixel
[/quote]

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 74

RE: Too much respect? - 10/29/2006 8:41:46 AM

amayos

Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Morrigel

For one thing—courtesy to others is not just a gift you give to them if they "earn" it. It is something you display in your dealings with the world because you respect yourself. If your default attitude toward others is rude and snotty, you are not showing any kind of strength; you are displaying a weakness of character and poor upbringing—or poor training, if you have served a dominant before.

Very well stated. Those who display respect and decorum when seeking to serve greatly increase their chances. This grace and attention to detail is best internalized; it will become apparent soon enough if it is merely a ruse.

< Message edited by amayos -- 10/29/2006 8:47:31 AM >

(in reply to Morrigel)

Post #: 75

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 8:49:15 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

"submit2one" isn't such a brilliant screen name that you can make fun of other people's.

quote:

ORIGINAL: submit2one

Najak-not-very-charming-at-all

(in reply to submit2one)

Post #: 76

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 8:53:33 AM

Morrigel

Posts: 492
Joined: 10/13/2006
Status: offline

submit2one:

There is a great deal of wisdom in your words, Madame. Many thanks for sharing it with us. Your experiences and your views are valuable, and have given me a great deal to think about.

--M

(in reply to submit2one)

Post #: 77

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 9:25:17 AM

SweetDommes

Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: submit2one

I am saddened for those who do not know, and who will never know, what it is to be treated with reverence by any and all submissives encountered at such functions. That was a grand feeling, and if it were not tied directly to My Dominant persona I probably would not have found it so intensely gratifying, but I did, and it was.

Personally, if every submissive that I came across treated me with 'reverence' and felt that they had to keep their eyes down around me simply because I'm a Dominant, then I would feel like a fraud. That level of respect should be earned. What I want is the simple, common (not-so-common it seems these days) courtesy that all people should give to another because we are all humans until/unless a person proves themselves to be a complete and total ass. I want my wishes to be respected - not because I'm a Domme, but because I respect other's wishes whenever I can, no matter if they are submissive, Dominant, switch, or vanilla. I want to not have some moron who claims to be a submissive send me inappropriate first messages with inappropriate pictures because I would never do that to someone else - nor would I accept such behavior in person ... I don't know of anyone who would, honestly. If someone came up to me on the street, or at a bar, or anywhere else and started spouting off his sexual fantasies ... or handed me a pic of his exposed genitals ... I can promise you that the nearest police officer would be contacted.

As far as I'm concerned, it comes down to the Golden Rule - treat others as you want to be treated. If you want to be treated with respect, then treat others with respect. However, I am also a firm believer in Karma, or more simply, what goes around comes around. If someone is an ass once, no big deal - we've all done that, even a few times isn't that big of a deal (but expect to get as good as you give when you do so), but if he/she proves to be an ass consistantly, then ... I'm going to treat them accordingly.

*edited for a few spelling errors*

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 10/29/2006 9:26:27 AM >

(in reply to submit2one)

Post #: 78

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 9:26:42 AM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

Thanks!

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 79

RE: Dommes wanting too much respect - 10/29/2006 9:31:49 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

Fast Reply:

I try to be respectful to all, whether I respect them or not.

I have also been trained to NOT be submissive to everyone who calls themselves dominant. That is my Master's preference and rule for me. He saw how much it damaged me to do otherwise. Plus, he values my submission more because only he receives it. He loves knowing I stand on my own with confidence to the world, but will fall to the floor at his feet. He loves knowing that in all aspects of life, I stand equal to most others and am sought for advice by many, and yet I am small and humble before him.

I am exactly what he wants, and happy to be that. I would be doing him a disservice if I started lowering my eyes to others and behaving submissively toward them. It would be disrespectful to my Owner to do that.

I understand other owners want that type of behavior in their slaves, and that's what works for them. It would not work for me, however, as doing so would be disobedient.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 80

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Dommes wanting too much respect

Page: << < prev 2 3 [4] 5 6 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094