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To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 1:02:07 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		I was recently approached by a new comer to the path to mentor her for awhile, I agreed on a hands off basis to insure objectiveity and prevent attachment.

She asked about cybering, and my advice was that it is a very useful way to use a precursor for a relationship.

She was surprised as she mentioned that she has read so many profiles that scorn cyber interactions.

My reply was that it serves to disclose in advance what the needs are for each side of the slash, so when and if it turn into real time, there are far fewer surprises to deal with.

Why cyber has gotten a bad rap on this site is something to be put out in the open but certainly is also helps to separate the horndogs from the serious D's and on the other side of the slash it allows the submissive nature to safely explore what has been lurking in their minds for years.

CP
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 1:04:26 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Cyber is a great way to meet people and have good connections.

Cyber is a horrible way to form realistic expectations for an offline relationship.





_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 1:07:30 PM   
CelticPrince


Posts: 3613
Joined: 4/15/2005
Status: offline 		LA,

Thanks for the statements, now how about expanding on those thoughts.

CP

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 1:15:18 PM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

She asked about cybering, and my advice was that it is a very useful way to use a precursor for a relationship.

She was surprised as she mentioned that she has read so many profiles that scorn cyber interactions.



The term "cybering" has come to mean cyber sex to most people. It is not realistic at all in any respect anymore than sitting in your bed fantasizing about BDSM and masturbating is realistic.

How this can be "a very useful way to use as a precursor for a relationship" escapes me.

Perhaps YOU wouldnt mind expanding on YOUR points?

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 1:40:17 PM   
GoreanGuy


Posts: 182
Joined: 8/20/2005
Status: offline 		currently My girl and I are internet based, I rarely have cybered with her, 2 times in fact.

I use it as a tool for enriching her sense of service to Me even though I know its not real but soon will be. even though there might not be any real penetration, it gives her the feeling that she needs inside her, the feeling of being loved and needed by the one who is leading her through her submission and the one who owns her heart.

I use it for a training tool, for when we are apart in life, we still will connect and socialize with other people online and off, serving their needs or wants until the day we meet again  

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
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RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 1:51:05 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		When people engage in cyber sex they are essentially acting out their fantasies with you.
Gives you a good idea of what they are seeking.  If you can come close.
Beyond that though I see no real purpose.  A line of toys was being developed about a decade ago to help cyber sex along.
No idea what ever happened to them.  They apparently didn't work the way they were supposed to.
I don't see where one could participate and still get pleasure out of cyber.  Unless of course they aren't holding up their end of the bargain.
If so, what is to say that also isn't a sign of an impending relationship.  The person could very well end up being selfish.

(in reply to CelticPrince)
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RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 2:17:35 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

LA,

Thanks for the statements, now how about expanding on those thoughts.

CP


Seems pretty clear cut to me. Cyber = fantasy. Fantasy is great, but not a basis for a real-time relationship.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to CelticPrince)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 2:41:16 PM   
all4yourplsr


Posts: 156
Joined: 4/5/2005
Status: offline 		To me , cybering depends all on the participants.  If both are involved to the fullest, it can be fun and it definitely lets you know what the person might be into in r/l.  Adding a cam to the fun can add to the intensity since the Dominant can actually see if the sub is doing as they are told. 

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 3:49:40 PM   
WorldofSilence


Posts: 114
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline 		Hmm interesting topic.

I won't lie and confess that I have used cybering as a learning curve, because it allows Me to have text to re-read on if something doesn't work, naturally it has to be with someone you really trust, and with the added additional of a cam can really help.

I suppose in all sense I like looking at the person I'm speaking with, I hold greater value in pysical communication over written text, plus it's a part of My fetish I like to see them laugh, or look thoughtful, see there faces and the such allows Me to "read" them all the more clearer if I get the chance to meet them, it's a bit of a requirment from Me, as I will struggle enough learning a new face pattern let alone along side the lip patterns, it's a very useful tool in My eyes. :)

But it's not forver, I would hope and strive for real life encounters but, I need to take the long way round.

WoS


_____________________________

"Beware Hearing loss. If found please return to owner.Been missing since 1981. Reward on return"

(in reply to all4yourplsr)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 3:52:25 PM   
cumulus


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline 		No matter the medium of interaction, it's the real estate between one's ears that matters the most.


_____________________________

Regards,
Cumulus

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RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 4:19:29 PM   
WorldofSilence


Posts: 114
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cumulus

No matter the medium of interaction, it's the real estate between one's ears that matters the most.



*laughs* What a fantastic saying, I might just have to steal it!

WoS


_____________________________

"Beware Hearing loss. If found please return to owner.Been missing since 1981. Reward on return"

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Profile   Post #: 11
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 4:30:05 PM   
cumulus


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/6/2005
Status: offline 		Be my guest.

_____________________________

Regards,
Cumulus

(in reply to WorldofSilence)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 4:44:48 PM   
MistressYlwa


Posts: 263
Joined: 8/25/2005
Status: offline 		Personally, I do not like online relationships. I get no satisfaction from it and don't see how the other party could get anything out of it either. Unless he is just looking for a fantasy to jerk off to.
 
Mistress Ylwa

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Mistress Ylwa

You see what power is - holding someone elses fear in your hand and showing it to them! - Amy Tan

(in reply to cumulus)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 4:52:35 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with some of the previous posts...It's the difference between seeing the "ice cream" advertised on the tele, or having a big bowl of that "bitchin" shit right in front of you. Only way to have the "actual experience" is by taking a taste....Unless of course you are lactose intolerant than the commercial is your best bet to approach ice cream...So I guess the question is are you lactose intolerant or not?......My posts get more absurd everyday...lol.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

(in reply to cumulus)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 4:59:45 PM   
subailz


Posts: 19
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		everyone has they own opinion of cybering myself i have done it a couple times with soemone and well it was gud fun....
but nowadays i dunno wot i tihnk bout it anywayz hi im ailz lol

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 5:10:14 PM   
cuddleheart50


Posts: 9718
Joined: 2/20/2006
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		I dont cyber, its just plain silly to me.

_____________________________

Dance like no one is watching,
Sing like no one is listening.
Love like you've never been hurt
and live like it's heaven on Earth.


(in reply to subailz)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 5:13:12 PM   
Sweetlovnone


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		to cyber is to act w/ out thout. true u could find out if someone has a deep intrest they dont really want to just comeout w/. But y not try it in real life?

(in reply to cuddleheart50)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 5:19:11 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Cyber is a great way to meet people and have good connections.

Cyber is a horrible way to form realistic expectations for an offline relationship.



... for you.




(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 5:53:34 PM   
HatesParisHilton


Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline 		the prob is that this has been presented as "either / or", as a question involving an en toto context.  And many of the replies have been such.  I see it as "steps", like "you need to know fractions before you can attempt algorithms".

Meaning, LIMITED cyber at the beginning might actually help R/L or be a very useful culling system to avoid a meet that would later come to nothing or be worse, DISAPPOINTING.

A cyber session (or series of e-mail q & a, or mutually supplied erotica illustrating the erotic desires of both parties) can quickly, within a few hours of effort spread over several days, indicate whether a "meet" should be in the cards.

Flipside:  some people decide to just get off on that, so one needs to be stern with the "this is time limited, don't expect weeks or months of this" caveat AT THE BEGINNING.

The prob is that most doms/tops/whatever will likely be sending what they really like/want to do/have done, whereas the sub might just be enjoying the fantasy with no intention of ever physicalizing it (how many women have read the Story of O and love it, then how many women have actually been tied down to an Ottoman and fucked hard up the asshole?  Same with the Beauty series by Anne Rice).

Also, if a top is going to go through this effort, several points:

a great phrase I heard from a friend, roughly translated, is "Through to the man's heart, eyes; Through to the woman's heart, ears".  Meaning that men are very visually stimulated while women many times get off on the communication/wordplay.  The cyber is wordplay.  IF what's good for the goose is what's good for the gander, and as much as many women would hate the following:

Set a rule that she has to provide at least one pic per cyber session as pleasing to you as the words are to HER.

If she is unwilling, then she is not willing to "play fair".  And that means even by instant messenger, a top would be wasting their time, no matter the ages/sex/gender preferrences involved.

_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: To Cyber or Not - 1/5/2007 6:19:27 PM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		I think it can be a fairly good way to get to know someone. Then again, so is the telephone, e-mail, on-line chat, and an in-person meeting. I guess I consider it a "step", perhaps, in getting to know someone. If a relationship is long-distance, then I suppose it might be a goodway to intereact with someone when you cannot see them in person. I know if I cybered with someone, I'd eventually want to meet them in person, most likely.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/5/2007 6:35:33 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to HatesParisHilton)
Profile   Post #: 20
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